I have been trying to upload these photos, but failing, for about a week now....and then Ben comes and manages it in about 2 minutes - doing exactly the same as me!

Anyhow - this is the current state of the extension at the Baby Home....

and the roof.....


All is well at Forever Angels - the children are all fighting a weird bug which gives fever and no other symptoms?!

Mary now weighs 1.98kg - so tomorrow she should be 2kg! She is adorable!

More very soon....I will stop and get this uploaded onto my diary before the power fails and I lose it!!

I can't believe it is Friday tomorrow already - this week has flown by and I don't really have any interesting news at all!?

Sammy is now doing really well on his ARV's and looks healthier every day. I am hoping they will work miracles for him like they did with Haji.

Womba (the dog) had her spey operation and was doing fine. Then yesterday morning I went to see her and she had a puppy!? Just one and it was dead and it didn't look newborn - but hey? Dog miracles obviously happen too!

Cassandra and Ric (our Doctor Volunteers) are doing some HIV and First Aid training with my new staff which we are very greatful for.
Mind you - from today's little discovery - it seems that ALL my staff need more HIV training!......

The Septic Tank is blocked and we have managed to 'dig out' nappies and liners and rubber gloves which have been 'flushed away'! I spoke to my staff about it and it seems that they are the 'very dirty' nappies from the HIV positive children who no one wants to rinse.....in case they catch HIV!

ALL my staff have had training and they SHOULD know that you can't catch HIV from changing a dirty nappy....plus I provide gloves! However - what they hear in their villages and homes is very different to the reality. Many people here (even educated ones) believe that HIV is a punishment from God or a curse for wrong doing....and it isn't transmitted in the ways 'white people' tel them. I think many of my staff are unsure what to believe.

It is hard to change cultural beliefs however unbelievable they are!

None the less, I have just re-itterated to ALL my staff how HIV is contracted - and then I had to be quite 'mean' and tell them that changing dirty nappies (of healthy and HIV positive children) is a huge part of their job. They will probably change at least 20 each day - and if they don't want to do it....I have plenty of other people who would like their job.

Of course it is a horrid job to change dirty nappies! But it IS part of their job and I am going to be extra vigilant about making sure babies are not left wet and dirty for too long because no one wants to change them!
I do not often have cause to be a 'mean boss'.....but tonight I did!

Last, but not least - the milk powder we use at the Baby Home has run out in Mwanza and we are apparently not able to get anymore for 4 to 5 weeks! This is very annoying and it meant that my weekly shop this morning took 4 hours as I scoured every single tiny shop and stall in the city to buy their last supplies!
I think we will have to change to the (only other) brand of Baby Milk and hope that it doens't cause any stomach problems?

Just a very quick one today.....as I am busy sorting out our Children's Sponsors and sending out Newsletters and Child Updates to everyone.

I have some generous sponsors who donate regularly to Forever Angels but I have no contact details for.....


M Dodd
C and M Howarth

If you want to remin 'anonymous' - that is fine - but if you are reading this and you do have an e-mail address (or postal address) and you wish to be known, please e-mail me your contact details so that I can send you our Baby Home Newsletters.

.................................................

Also - if ANYONE out there has a friend or relative who would like to 'Sponsor a Child' - PLEASE give them our website details, or my e-mail. With 25 children, our running costs are now very high and we are in real need of more regular sponsors (whether it is for £5 a month or £100 a month) to cover our increasing running costs.

Please tell everyone you know.....and hopefully we can get sponsors for all of these wonderful children in our care.

It is VERY easy to do - just print off the Standing Order Form from this link:

http://www.foreverangels.org/sponsor/StandingOrderForm.pdf

Or set up a payment scheme on-line with our Just Giving Website:

http://www.justgiving.com/foreverangels/donate

Just £20 can pay for a child's food for one month. Just £8 can pay for a child's medical expenses. Just £85 covers all the basic needs for one child for a month.
Every little helps....

Just a thought.....if anyone would like to 'Sponsor a Child' from Forever Angels for someone as a Christmas Gift - I am happy to create a Christmas Card /Gift Certificate for you and will then send out regular newsletters and Child Information sheets as part of their 'gift'? Please let me know if you are interested.

Thank you.

Well - I took Mary to the Baby Home last night.....and already I miss her terribly! She has had a great week and I took out her NG tube on Wednesday morning as she was feeding from a bottle so well.

She still drinks tiny amounts (between 25 and 50 mls depending on how tired she is) and she is demand feeding every 2 or 3 hours.

She was always beautiful - but without her tube in she just looks adorable!

I forget that she is so tiny now that I am ao used to her - and babies like Jack seem utterly huge!!

The staff were very happy to have her at the Baby Home though I did have to reinforce many times that she is still growing and needs peace and quiet and sleep....not cuddles all day every day!

Last night I didn't sleep so well myself....I kept expecting to hear her wake for a feed. I guess my 'Three Hourly Life' can now return to normal - but I miss this little bundle so much already.....if she was an abandoned child and available for adoption I would have allowed myself to fall in love much more and would have kept her!

She is gaining weight well though and as soon as she is 2kg we will start her immunisations. I KNOW she will be truly loved and cared for at the Baby Home....and I will see her every single day!! I am trying to convince mnyself here!

Womba (the dog!) had her 'spade' (my Mum just informed me it is 'spayed'!!) operation on Tuesday so she was feeling sorry for herself for about....oh, 10 minutes and has since been hurtling around the Volunteer House and gardens without a care in the world! So much for keeping her calm and lying down until her wound heals!

We bought a second hand washing machine for the Baby Home yesterday as the one we have is useless. The clothes come out still covered in food and stains so it doesn't actually serve its purpose in any way whatsoever! Plus, (it is Tanzanian) you have to stand and watch it wash - adding water and powder and turning knobs every few minutes....I think Selina (our cleaner) actually finds it easier to hand wash all the clothes!....although with 25 babies - there is now SO much laundry each day.
Anyhow - this is a large American model and looks SO much better - so we have a plumber coming today to plumb it in.

The other children are all doing well. There has been a vomiting and diaoreah bug (again!) this week which seems to have hit all the children - but none have actually been ill with it. Haji and Katy are the latest to get sick - but you wouldn't have known it to see Haji dancing and singing last night!

Sammy is also getting better. His fever has subsided and his colour seems to be back to normal....well, normal for Sammy!

The new volunteers are being a great help and the kids all seem to really love them. Yesterday Gemma was doing a job that Chloe and I have avoided for AGES - sewing the holes in the mosquito nets! I am the worst sewer in the world - but Gemma seems to have quite a knack!

The roof and extension are coming on so well - and are due to be completed in 3 weeks. I am SO looking forwards to 'moving' and having more space again.

Just a quick update today as my life is suddenly organised in 3 hourly slots to fit in with Mary's feeding!
I have never had that before as I could always just grab a flask and a bottle and take my children out with me.....they fitted in with my life. But Mary - well, she has me running round after her day and night!!

I'm not complaining though....I'm in my element!

She is doing so well. She was born 6 weeks ago and weighed 1.3kg at birth. She left hospital on Thursday weighing 1.5 kg and today she is 1.62kg! She is drinking so well from a bottle - but still not managing her complete feed so the NG tube is staying in for now.

She is a very content baby and cries only when she needs a nappy change or some milk....oh, and all of last night because she wanted to be held!! She is lying on my lap now looking around the room, quite content!- she is so alert and she continuously astounds me that something so tiny can be so strong!

My children are enthralled with her - particularly Molly who sits and looks at her for hours on end! Every time she makes a noise or moves, Molly comes running up to tell me!

The Baby Home staff are all visiting Mary at my home - but I think they are pleased that they are not yet responsible for her!

Gemma, a new 2 month volunteer arrived yesterday and has already got to grips with most of the babies names!! Two more volunteers, Cassandra and Rick arrive tomorrow for 3 weeks....so the extra hands will be wonderful.

Sammy is not doing so well and I took him to hospital today but we have not discovered anything. He just 'looks unwell' and it is hard to get a diagnosis from that? He is pale and has very dark rings around his eyes and is not gaining weight. We will return to hopsital with him if his condition deterioates but for now - we are giving him plenty of liquids and keeping a good eye on him.

A few of the other children have had a very quick 'bug' involving one hour of fever and one bout of diaoreah.....but they are all recovering without any medication. Maybe this is what Sammy has, but just in an accelerated form?

All in all, things are going well. The extension is now finished as far as it can go and we now need to wait for the roof to be complete before they knock through the Baby Home walls into the new extension. It is very exciting!

This morning, the lady who we helped yesterday turned up for work ..... 2 hours early - so I guess that £40 was money very well spent! She is called Adadya and her baby is called Jona. She is very happy to be given this opportunity and got to work straight away.

Lauren was finally brought home this afternoon - but she is now called Mary! Apparently, a nurse named her Lauren, but today, I met her mother and she decided to name her baby Mary Thomas. (I have added the middle name 'Irene' after the ICU nurse who has cared for her so well over the last 5 weeks)

Mary's mother was very sad to say goodbye to her baby and does want to take her back home if she recovers from her illness. According to the Doctors this is not likely, but she clearly loves her little girl.

Mary is now fast asleep in a cot beside me. I am keeping her at my house for a few days until she can bottle feed as she still has an NG tube in and I'd rather be responsible for that....plus there are all sorts of flu and sickness bugs going round the Baby Home - so I want her away from it all as much as possible. She also has a small abcess on her arm which was drained at the hospital today - but which may need some attention. She is such an adorbale little thing - but so tiny!!

Chloe and 2 of my staff took Haji, Sammy and Davey to clinic this morning while I was racing around trying to get the paperwork and discharge notes for Mary. It seems that Davey's CD4 count is very low and he is in the category of having full blown AIDS already. We have to take him back to hospital tomorrow for some blood tests and an Xray and then he will be put on ARV's.

Sammy didn't gain weight this month and this morning he looked pale. The Clinic Doctor decided to start him on ARV treatment today to boost his immunity. I hope they prove to be as miraculous for him as they were for Haji?!

Another busy day - and it is only 2pm!

All is well at the Baby Home, although we do have a few cases of diaoreah....Zawadi, Haji, Sammy, Tuliza and Dotto have all been suffering, but in themselves they seem absolutely fine so we will just keep a close eye on them.

Tomorrow we are going to collect baby Lauren - so I hope it goes without any hitches!

Today was a REALLY busy day - although none of my actual 'planned' jobs got done!

A young girl came to the Baby Home gate this morning - maybe 18 or 19 years old. She had with her a 4 month old baby boy. She told me that she had no family alive except her Mother who lives in a small rural village the South of Tanzania and she came to Mwanza a while ago to look for work. She has been working as a House Worker (Cleaner) for over a year now - but during her work there, she fell pregnant by her boss. Once she had the baby - her boss chased her away and she has been living on the street with her baby ever since.

This young lady was desperatre for us to take her baby. She has no money, no possessions, no friends or family and no place to live. Initially I offered to give her the money for a bus ticket so she could return to live with her mother. But the girl believes that her Mum will disown her because she is not married with a baby.

We see and hear about these situations every day living here - and it is so easy to walk away and pretend it is not our problem, but when a baby is involved I find it hard to turn them away and with a girl so young - something compelled me to help her.

Everyone deserves a chance - right?

So - it was decided that Cha Cha (Dotto and Bahati's Mum) will start working as a cleaner at the Baby Home as we now have much too much work (mostly washing and ironing) for one cleaner and we would give her job (of cleaning the volunteer House) to this girl.

She was very happy to accept.

We gave her some lunch and whilst she was eating, Chloe and I got talking and decided that we had to help her a little more than just give her a job. If she has no home to go to - neither her, nor her baby are safe.

So - with the help of my wonderful staff - we found her a rented room in a house 10 minutes walk from the Baby Home. We paid 60,000 shillings to the land lady (the equivalent of £25) for 6 months rent. Chloe and I also managed to buy / find / borrow - a mattress, some sheets and blankets, a jiko (charcoal stove), a pan, some basic utensils, some clothes for her baby, a towel and some basic toiletries, a mosquito net, some charcoal and some food.

This morning she had lost all hope - she had no job, no house, no future and no possessions of her own - except for the clothes on her back. She was desperate enough to give her baby away. But by 2pm this afternoon, she was in her own (simple) house with the basic necessities to keep her and her baby alive.....and has a job so that she can now help herself and her son. Now, she has a future.

We asked her to come to start work tomorrow morning at 9am, and for the time being (because she is breastfeeding), she will bring her baby to work too.

The total cost of setting up this lady and her baby in a house with clothes, a bed, food and the ability to cook - was less than £40.

A couple of people (including some of my staff!) think we are crazy for helping her and believe that we may never see her again.But I do not believe that she is fooling us. I believe she truly is alone in this world, homeless and desperate for help. People here do not give up their babies for no reason at all - life here is ALWAYS hard for everyone and it takes immense hardship and poverty for someone to be desperate enough to abandon their child. And if £40 gives this lady the ability
NOT to give up her baby - I believe that it is money VERY well spent.

She could have gone to Social Services - I did initially suggest it - but I KNOW they would have sent her away. They very very rarely help mothers who are breastfeeding and have the ability to provide their children with food. It sounds cruel - but when there are so many needy people - and your budget is so minute, you
have to choose to help the single fathers who REALLY have no way of feeding their babies when their wives die?

If she had gone to Social Welfare - I know they would have sent her away and told her to find work - and from talking to her, I also think that she would have done as Katy's Mother did last month - and been desperate enough to leave her little boy on the roadside in the hope that someone, somewhere would HAVE to then help him.

£40 has (I hope!) prevented this little boy from being abandoned and orphaned. £40 (and a small amount of faith in humanity?) has kept this family together and given her a chance to make a future for herself and her little boy.

I DO have every faith that tomorrow morning - she will turn up for work and I really hope that this will be one of those stories that ends with......'And they lived happily ever after.' I can't be sure of this - but I think it's the best £40 gamble I could ever choose to make?

Everyone deserves a chance......and just sometimes - we can be the person to give it.

Baby Lauren is fighting malaria and has even gained a bit of weight so she now weighs 1.4kg. We are going to bring her home to Forever Angels on Thursday morning when her treatment finishes.

We have had no water at the Baby Home for FIVE DAYS now but thankfully it came back this morning. Aparently the City were replacing a water pipe - but unlike in the UK - you get no warning of this - and no alternative means of getting water!
On Sunday night it rained so we collected rain water for the children to bath in - but since then we have struggled with a few buckets brought from the lake!

Hopefully - as soon as the roof is finished - the guttering will enable us to collect and store a much higher volume of rain water for any future problems! The roof is due to be complete in 2 weeks time - and as soon as it is - the builders will knock through into the extension, lay tiles, paint and do finishing touches. We hope to be able to 'move in' the second week of November.

The other Baby Home children are all doing great. The babies are all growing up so quickly and Dotto is almost walking now!! The toddlers are all getting cleverer by the day and are all constantly heard singing or counting which is very cute!

We just heard that Pascal may soon return home to live with his father which is great news. He recently got married and so they are now able to care for him. I told my staff and they all burst into tears. It took me a long time to convince them all that this is GOOD news and this is what Forever Angels is all about - helping children to have FAMILIES!

Mind you - I also 'well up' whenever I think of Pascal leaving - I can't imagine him not being at the Baby Home - Pascal was our first 'newborn' baby and we have cared for him and loved him since he was 9 days old. He is now a cheeky, healthy, happy and mischevious 1 year old who is adored by everyone.

Of course the BEST thing for him is always going to be a Mum and a Dad who love him - and I truly believe that they do - but my goodness, this little boy will be greatly missed....not least by me!

We heard this weekend that the mother of the tiny baby has signed the consent papers to let her baby come to Forever Angels.

The baby is now called Lauren - though I am not sure if the mother named her or the hospital staff? I love the name though. We were due to collect her on Monday morning - so Chloe and I have just been up to the Hospital to visit her and unfortunately it seems she has contracted malaria on ICU so now has to remain in hospital for a few more days while she receives treatment!

If this tiny little bundle survives malaria when she is so fragile and small - I think she must be a real fighter who has a sure purpose in life and who truly wants to be here! Please keep Lauren in your thoughts as she fights this and we hope she will be with us by next weekend.

On a happier note......a Sixties night was held last night in Sandbach in the UK to raise money for Forever Angels. They managed to raise £3,318.80 which is utterly incredible - especially since immense fun was had by all and the awareness of Forever Angels was certainly raised!

Before I get onto my dilemas - I will just give you all a brief update:

The extension is coming along SO well - it has reached full height and they are now plastering inside and out.

Katy is doing fine - she and Sammy went for their brain scans last week. Sammy, it appears, is absolutely fine. He has no obvious issues - but is just a little delayed due to his prematurity and difficult start in life. He is now progressing and can roll over and sort of sit up (in a wobbly sort of way!)
Katy however has severe cerebal palsy as well as microcephelus and lots of fluid on her brain. We are keeping a seizure diary and will return for more brain scans in a month to see if the fluid is increasing or not. It is highly likely that she will need a brain shunt - so the future does not look too great for her right now. None the less - she is a happy little thing and my staff are excellent with her.

Davey is now home and doing well. He still sounds a little chesty and has now got an ear infection - but babies like him are prone to infections and so I guess it will just be the way of things for him. He is a real cutie though....

Jack, our new baby, is a little star - he is truly beautiful and guzzles his milk down! Everyone who meets him falls madly in love so I am convinced he will get an adoptive family soon. It appears that he was abandoned in the hospital the day after birth and his mothers name and contact details were fake. She must have been truly desperate, and no help is available here.

The toddlers are all doing really well. They know lots of English songs now and always greet me in English which makes me laugh! They haven't seemed to notice all the building work that is taking place - but I guess that is a good thing that their lives are not being disrupted!

The babies are all growing so quickly! Dotto is now crawling all over the place and Sophia will be joining her before too long! Maggie, Seba and Omari are all at such a sweet age and laugh lots at eachother! They are all weaned now and seem to enjoy food - although Maggie doesn't think much to avocado! We have now given Maggie's Dad a full time job at the Baby Home which he is thrilled about. He is our Gardener and part time night Watchman and his job security means that he can really provide for his 6 daughters now.

Our volunteers left yesterday - we are really sad to say 'Goodbye' to Linda, Amri, Malissa and Tamara - they did some wonderful jobs at the Baby Home, took the children on many trips and genuinely loved our babies. I am so thrilled that they got to see the main building work of the extension and roof they raised money for. Thank you all and do keep in touch.

And now my 'Tanzanian Dilemas.....'

I was called to the hospital at the weekend to visit a 5 week old premature baby girl (born at 7 months gestation) on Intensive Care. Her mother is very sick with AIDS and TB and does not have long to live. The baby is now gaining weight (she is currently 1.38kg) and although feeding with an NG tube, she is doing well. Last week the Mother asked the Doctors if they could find a home for her baby as she does not have long to live and is unable to care for her.
It was agreed with the Doctors and the Mother and Social Welfare that we would collect her today and bring her to Forever Angels.....however - when we arrived, it appeared that the Mother had changed her mind and wanted to take her baby home.

She is very sick and has basically been discharged to go home to die. She can't get out of bed so is unable to care for her baby and both will imminently die if this happens....and so the Doctors are fighting her decision.
I am not sure what I feel about this?

When I look at the Intensive Care Unit - they are doing SUCH an amazing job! They are saving babies who would otherwise have no chance. An 800 gram baby was born, survived and was discharged recently - that is amazing in Western Hospitals never mind in a Developing world.

But Intensivce Care is a sterile environment. The nurses wash their hands with antibacterial soap before touching the babies - they are on monitors and observed regulalry and fed 3 hourly....but when discharged - almost all of these babies go to live in mud huts with no electricity or runnning water, no mosquito nets and probably sleep on the dirt floors. I am not sure if any study has been done on the babies after they have been discharged from ICU here - and what the survival rate is - but I can't imagine it is very high. There is no follow up on these babies, no community Midwives or Health Visitors....nothing. These mothers cope alone in the poorest of conditions.....

The cost of ICU is huge.....and of course - it IS saving lives......but for how long? How many of these babies are brain damaged (like Katy) and get abandoned because there is no social support here. How many contract malaria and die soon after discharge? How many starve? I'd suggest quite a few.

The baby we are supposed to be getting of course deserves a chance at life....but its life right now has been based on Western ideals and technology. If the brilliant Western Doctors and machinery were not here - she would already have died. The mother wants to take the baby home so they can die together. The Doctors want her to come to Forever Angels so she has a chance at living......who is to say which answer is right?

Prior to this, I would always have said we should do everything we can to save a life....especially that of a baby or child. But to whose benefit is it? If this child does live - she will be an orphan as her mother is about to die. Maybe she will be adopted - but it is likely she is also HIV positive and very few families chose to adopt a positive child. Is this really in the child's best interests......or, should be let the mother and child die together - as many before them have done and many more African women and children will continue to do?

I don't know the answer. I know I left the hospital today feeling very small in this world and angry at not knowing all the answers. Part of me wanted to take the baby and give her every chance at a life. But another part of me does not want her to suffer the anguish of being an orphan.....especially if she does turn out to be HIV positive and sick. Part of me wanted to meet the Mother and give her a hug, place the baby in her arms and let them leave and die together?

None of us really know what is right or wrong, and culturally - our opinions about this differ a great deal. Doctors want to save lives. Social Welfare want to keep families together. Mothers want to be with their children - even for a short time. Babies get no say......
Thankfully - I also get no say in this. Maybe I have 'opted out' of making a decision this time and I have left it to the Doctors, Social Welfare and Mother to sort out.....maybe tomorrow that little girl will come home with us.....or maybe she will go home to probably die with her Mother?

It is a big world out there and there are too many decisions that we are in fact, powerless / too small / unimportant enough to really make.